The Seahawks suck. Big time. Yesterday the punter took more snaps than the quarterback. The offense can't put points on the board. And the defense can't stop the big plays. Much can be said about key players getting injured, but that can only go so far. You have to play the hand you're dealt.
So, I've been thinking about it, and I've a few ideas to help the Seahawks return to winning:
- Install a pillory in the parking lot at Qwest Field. The next time the hawks get their balls handed to them, distribute Various & Sundry rotting vegetation to the Seahawks fans. Then, put Mike Holmgren in said pillory before the fans are let out of the stadium.
- If they keep losing, threaten to change the team name to the Cougars.
- Institute a daily tot of rum to all healthy players. Except for Koren Robinson. He's better off sober. This should motivate the injured players to get healthy...
- Make uderperforming players sit in the aforementioned pillory...
- Start cutting starters in mid-season. If they're not performing, shit-can 'em. The fear of one's own job is a swift and stern motivator to improve performance.
- Make the punter's salary on a per-kick basis. Then make the offensive starters pay it. Personally. More motivation to stay on the field, and therefore score points.
- Offer a cash reward for sacks, tackles for loss, and fumbles forced.
- Base the offense's salaries on net yards gained and points scored.
And finally, if they still don't win:
- Offer the team to Oklahoma City....
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