The truth about Santa Claus

Some facts and myths relating to our favorite morbidly obese Christmas character:



Santa:

1. Lives out in the middle of nowhere.
2. Works only one night a year.
3. Has the munchies so bad that he has to eat milk and cookies at every stop he makes.

Conclusion:

Santa smokes pot.



Santa:

Has to visit a minimum of 23,148 homes a second.



Conclusion:

Santa drinks Jolt.



Santa:

Has delusions of toy making elves and flying reindeer.



Conclusion:

Santa drops acid.



Santa:

Is a white guy who wants your children to sit in his lap.



Conclusion:

Santa is really Micheal Jackson



Rudulph:

Has a very red nose.



Conclusion:

Rudolph is an alcoholic



(Side note: after last Christmas, the other reindeer staged an intervention, got Rudolph into AA, and he's been clean and sober ever since. However, this means no more red nose, and therefore until the sleigh get equipped with GPS, Santa will only be flying on VFR).



Myth:

Santa has elves to make his toys, yet you only seem to get underwear for Christmas.



Fact:

The real elves are in the Lord Of The Rings. Those aren't elves. They're the Underpants Gnomes. Which also explains why you get so much underwear for Christmas.







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