Apparently that glass of milk you had with your Oreos came from a cow that was aligned North-South…
I grew up (in part) on my Grandfather’s dairy farm, and I never recalled Grandpa’s holsteins being aligned all in one direction or another. Then again, who really gives a flying lawyer’s ass. When the milk you drank at the dinner table was going moo and making shit pies that morning, you really don’t care what in direction the cow was standing. You just know that you can tell the difference that milk and the watered down elmers glue that you got with your school lunch.
Anyway, on the origin of milk:
- Whole milk is easy. They just milk the cow. No more, no less.
- For 2% milk, they just cut the cow in half. And milk only one half (they get half-and-half by milking the other half…)
- To get skim milk, they graze the cow on artificial turf.
- Everybody knows that chocolate milk comes from chocolate cows. BTW, they get milk chocolate by slaughtering chocolate cows…
- For strawberry milk, they just spray-paint the cow red.
- For soy milk, they graze the cow on marijuana.
- For organic milk, they simply have a hippie milk it.
- Non-fat milk really isn’t milk at all. It is simply chalk dust. Or cocaine. I remember having to use it one time, and I swear I saw the box of cereal leap off the counter and run out the house when I pulled it out of the fridge…..
- And finally, they get milkshakes by simply milking the cow during an earthquake.
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