Nothing to see here.

But the Noodly Master. Ramen. Resized for my cell phone (and btw, I also use this form my desktop on my main computer).  Actually I just set up my mobile phone so I could post directly from it.

Technorati Tags: The Flying Spaghetti Monster

And the current GOP pick for President is:

None Of The Above?  All I'm going to say is one should vote his/her conscience.  If that means none of the current candidates fit, then don't vote for them.  I, for one, have voted for JP Patches and Gertrude for office in the past.

And he deserves every penny

Ichiro just got a 5-year, $90 million contract extension. I seen his performance in The New World Order (Mind-Control Division). I think the Mariners are still getting a bargain on this.

 

Technorati Tags: The New World Order (Mind-Control Divison)

Today's Lesson is:

Always turn on the light in the laundry room before you start the washer.  Unless, of course, you're the type who likes to put a capful of fabric softener in his wash when you were going for the detergent.  At least they'll smell clean.......

This has been stuck in my head lately...

I don't know if they rock as much as Weezer does (at least according to Igwanarob's opinion in a recent post), but I can't get this song out of my head.  I do like the video, though.

Technorati Tags: Music, The Rentals

A note to those who supervise

If you're a boss/supervisor/overlord, and your employees have access to really large and powerful shredders, then at least make sure you get out of your car before you piss your employees off.  For example:

 

Technorati Tags: Cars, Destruction

I can now close my tower up again.....

I finally broke down and bought a case fan today.  When I upgraded my video card (which necessitated a new power supply), I was plagued with system bug-checks (you know, when Windows XP just restarts on you), as I have posted here.  With a new fan in place, I can now close the side of the tower, and use my night stand fan to cool myself.  We'll see how it goes....

It's the Fourth of July......

Have a happy National Get Drunk And Blow Yourself Up Day.  Only in America, can you celebrate freedom, independence, and liberty by burning your house down and blowing yourself up.  I for one will be leaving it to the professionals, and will be watching it on TV.  Well, if you're going to play with fire, just remember this:  If you still have all your fingers left when all is said and done, then you didn't do it right....

Where have the posts gone?

If you're looking for a particular post here and it just up and disappeared, it's probably because I just deleted it.  Not that I wanted to, but the links in them were stale, and it would be pointless to have a link go nowhere.......

Happy Birthday AT&T Gage Robinson

I know this is a wee bit late, but I was too busy stuffing AT&T Nick Trifonoff's mailbox with ecards....

Technorati Tags: Birthdays

Ok, it's been awhile

Since I posted here.  Sorry, but my bills just won't pay themselves, and I don't have access to a computer with an Internet connection at work.  And quite frankly, I think my boss would just prefer that I not write blog entries when I'm on the job.  Since my job is mostly non-IT, this is an easy directive to comply with.....  Having said that, there's been a buncha stuff that's been going on (in no particular order, by the way):

1. Mariners sweep the BoSox.  The team with the best record in The New World Order (Mind-Control Division) got their heads handed to them on a silver platter.  Don't fret.  It is still June.  The Mariners have all summer long to choke it before the play-offs come.
2. Chris Benoit.  I don't know of any appropriate link for this one, save for Google news.  Any way you look at it, this is a tragedy all around.  It now appears that he killed his wife and son &then hung himself.  Steroids are evil.  Of all the professional wrestlers who've passed away, many have died as a result of drug use or complications thereof.  Take, for example Davey Boy Smith (heart attack caused by past steroid use), 'Mr. Perfect' Curt Hennig (cocaine overdose) and Eddie Guerrero (heart disease from drug use).  I no longer watch WWE.  Vince McMahon needs to come clean on drug use in the WWE.  All of it.  Besides, WWE had jumped the shark long before. All Vince McMahon needs to do now is give Ted McGinley a title belt.
3. The iPhone is out.  So, I can pay $500.00 up front for a phone and then pay $60.00 - $100.00 a month to Ma Bell to use it.  I'll stick with my Samsung T619, thank you.  Besides, my calling plan has more minutes for a lower price (Thank you, T-Mobile).  I should also add that I am required to openly question the manhood of any person who uses an iPhone or a Mac.
4. Paris Hilton got out of jail again.  Paris, I have only one bit of advice for you: STOP BREAKING THE LAW! What you do with your riches is none of my business, but you are subject to the same laws and statutes that I am.  Break the law, go to jail.  End of discussion.

Technorati Tags: The New World Order (Mind-Control Division), Chris Benoit, iPhone, Paris Hiltion, T-Mobile

This is to put humanity back in it's place

Sure, man has done many things, some even being great (like General Tso's Chicken).  But in the big scheme of things, we aren't that significant, yet.  Hell, we haven't even been around that long, as Carl Sagan demonstrates:

 

Technorati Tags: Cosmos, Carl Sagan

Two Shutouts in a row...

The Mariners have won again.  Not only that, but they've not allowed a run.  Yes, they did get swept recently, but this was probably orchestrated  by The New World Order (Mind-Control Division) to make things interesting.  Caution is advised, as while the Mariners can be entertaining, you must always wear your aluminum foil hat, to make sure you're protected from their nefarious psychotronic radiation, as I have repeated before.  I can not stress this enough.

 Btw, The Cincinnati Reds (and Ken Griffey, Jr.) are in town tomorrow.  I don't know whether or not to welcome him, or to boo his ass out of the stadium.  Probably the latter.  The taxpayers of Washington State (and King County especially) are burdened with paying for Large Insurance Company Field, which was built to essentially his specifications (think the retractable roof), and he was gone less than a season after it had opened.  There are people who would welcome you back, but I say Ken Griffey, Jr. can kiss my ass.

Technorati Tags: The New World Order (Mind-Control Division)

What really happened after Anakin Turned to the Dark Side....

No, he didn't go trash the Jedi Temple like that moron Lucas would have you believe.  He was put on guard duty.  And Graham Chapman played Obiwan Kenobi (and did a pretty good job at it.  Think of how much better Star Wars would be if they had Brother Maynard and The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch....

 

Technorati Tags: Monty Python, Star Wars

New Windows Live Writer released

The Anti-Christ has released another version of Windows Live Writer.  While it's still a beta, it now supports labels natively (the one draw-back to using the performancing/scribe-fire extension in firefox is that, while it supports labeling, I'm not the bestest of spellers, and I've misspelled my fair share of tags, as you can see....). It still supports Technorati tagging.  As for how well it posts, I wrote this post in it....

Technorati Tags: The Anti-Christ, Blogging, Windows Live Writer

Hawking to write children's' book

MC Hawking is writing a children's' book. I still have my copy of A Brief History Of Time somewhere around here. He'll either teach us about science or how to kick it Old Skool (video of the latter here).

 

EDIT:  Yes, I am know I can't spell....

Technorati Tags: MC Hawking

Safari For Windows released

Apple has now released Safari for Windows. It claims to be faster than Firefox, Opera, or whatever the hell The Anti-Christ puts out. Visually, the interface looks a lot like ITunes, (which I don't use). It is still beta, so I won't switch to it completely (unlike when I discovered Firefox, I switched immediately even before it was beta, but then again, my only alternative was Intranet Exploder). Firefox is in no danger of being replaced as my default browser (I like my firefox and 64 extensions, some of which I actually use).


By the way, this is my 200th post.

This is incredibly complicated...

Too complicated, in my opinion. I mean, seriously if you want some Top Ramen that bad, you should not have to resort to elaborate machinery. Even I know how to prepare it. But then again, it is rather enertaining.....

A sweep....

The Northwest Division of The New World Order (Mind-Control Divison) just swept the Padres, who, btw are the leaders of the NL West. I may actually watch the games again. The Yankees also swept, but they're still 9.5 games back. Just remember if you watch the games: Shiny Side Out! You may end up believing that Belgium really exists. Or even worse, you may end up being a Yankees fan.

How spam got it's name

Have you ever wondered why spam got named after SPAM?

A brief lesson in French

A brief history of dirty words, and how they got dirty. All I can say is knock off the (*&%* language...

Soloway nailed

Mr Linford over at Spamhaus posted this this morning (actually, it's a US DOJ press release):

U.S. Department of Justice



United States Attorney

Western District of Washington



700 Stewart Street, Suite 5220Tel:  (206) 553-7970

Seattle, Washington 98101-1271Fax: (206) 553-0882





FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

May 30, 2007



PRESS CONFERENCE ON ³SPAM KING² INDICTMENT



The U.S. Attorney¹s Office will hold a press conference following the

arrest of 27-year-old ROBERT ALAN SOLOWAY.  SOLOWAY was indicted last

week by a federal grand jury in Seattle in connection with his illegal

spamming activities.



The press conference will begin at 1:30 in the Wales Conference Room of

the U.S. Attorney¹s Office.  United States Attorney Jeffrey C. Sullivan

will be joined by representatives from the United States Postal

Inspection Service (USPIS), FBI, FTC, Internal Revenue Service Criminal

Investigations (IRS-CI), and Washington State Attorney General¹s Office.



SOLOWAY will make his initial appearance in U.S. District Court at 2:30

today.  Copies of the indictment will be available at the press

conference or are online via the PACER system.

A PDF of the indictment is here.

So good I can't comment on it....

Weezer on the Muppet Show (yes, I know it's not exactly the Muppet Show, but any music video with the Swedish Chef can't be that bad.

Those voices in your head may be real after all...

It may simply turn out to be a load of mites...

My favorite cartoon...

Or at least one of of my favorites - What's Opera Doc?

It can't be all that bad...

Don't let life get you down. You can bounce back from anything. Even losing your head. Like this woman.....

Dell gets sued

This is why I own a Gateway. The New York AG is suing Dell for deceptive advertising practices, and various and sundry other things that customers really find not to be pleasant. Some of my friends have Dells, and those are the ones that I'm called upon to fix. But my 6 1/2 year-old Gateway is still going strong. With the execption of the one time that I unplugged it without turning off the power strip, and I blew out my modem and sound card (about $100 to replace, too). Ouch.

Ok, I have just one question for you:

What's on your mind?

Some, shall we say, "very happy" mercahndise

See it here.  I have no comment.

RIP Wally Schirra

He flew in Mercury, Gemini, and Apollo (IIRC the only astronaut to do all three). He has died at age of 84. We've all lost a hero.

This is what happens when I get a day off....

Taken from near my apartment door. Note the clouds, rain, and a touch of hail.

Thous shalt no steal....

Ok, so this was only a bicycle, but still don't go stealing. Sting operations aren't for cop shows anymore...

I'm not dead yet....

Between working a string of extended shifts at my $dayjob and trying to rebuild my computer, it has been impossible to post anything of late.

So, who's all appreared on Sesame Street?

Here's a list of celebrities who've appeared on Sesame Street.  For some reason, I can't seem to find the episode where Grover goes off on some five-year-old about the Force.  Then again, I can't find Yoda lecturing Anakin Skywalker about the letter J, either.

Google buys doubleclick

Google buys doubleclick.  As to what changes will have to be made in my HOSTS file to kill the ads, I don't know yet.  But I do recommend a HOSTS file (it will work in Windoze, Linux and Mac).





Technorati Tags: google

Ok, if you in the mood for a pancake

And all you have is your heroin kit, here is how you make your flapjacks.  Do remember, though, that you'll need and extra syringe for the syrup.

Have you ever wondered

When you put dry ice in a sink full of soapy dish water? BTW, did I mention that I got a new camera phone last week?


\

Happy Easter

I hope you all have had a happy Godless Pagan Spring Holiday. I really don't do the Easter Candy anymore, but this was a holiday today, and it was a day off today.

A quick safety tip

If after reading this, you still insist on not wearing a seatbelt and driving under the influence, you deserve to be taken out of the gene pool.

Ok, who has to go.

Some of the weirdest plumbing fixtures (aka thrones) around. I for one, would prefer to use the horn....

Get you tin-foil hats out

The New World Order (Mind-Control Division) is starting again.  I expect the Mariners to choke it again.  I think the Cardinals may take the World Series again.  Especially with their hitting (although it should be expected since it does throw off the pitching when you go to the plate wearing your mitre and choir dress).





Technorati Tags: The New World Order (Mind-Control Divison)

The Internet's going down the toilet!

Google is introducing free, wireless broadband. There's just one hitch..... (link)



Technorati Tags: Google, April Fool's

Goldfish is a depp fryer?!

Apparently this is a functioning deep fryer with a real livbe goldfish tnk at the bottom.



Since the hot oil naturally floats on the water, the goldfish aren't apparently fried. Not that I would want to constantly eat deep fried fish food....

Friends don't let friends

Drive Drunk. Actual 1979 PSA:

Almost 200

Did a windows rebuild tonight. The first thing I do (after calling The Anti-Christ to activate it) is to go to Windows Update and get all the relevant update. Tonight, I'm pushing almost 200 megabytes (and this is with service pack 2 already slipstreamed into the disk). Either it's time for another update, it's time to just make an Operating System out of nothing but patches.

The Birth Spasm! It has Occured!

My employers had a baby girl Friday night. Of course this means they're unavailable to work, and so I had to pick up the slack, and work open to close three days in a row (I will not mention where my $day-job is, or where I work at in this blog. Just in case my employers and I don't see eye to eye, and I'm not really in the mood to burn bridges). But anyway, pass the cigars around (or the grog, if you don't smoke), and grin, and feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats and .........



[Remind me not to have Brother Maynard write the blog entries any more]



Oh, and both the Bulldogs and the Cougars choked it in the big dance. Maybe next year. Although, I was surpised the Cougars even had a baseketball team (I mean, it's an indoor sport, and the cheerleaders have no place in the venue to graze). Gonzaga should perhaps try not letting junkies be starters.

Arrrgh!

Today's stupid bonehead mistake:



I was going to go from a single boot system (with WinXP) to a multi-boot system, which usually means wiping the drives completely to resize the partitions to make room. I'm usually ok with this, as I have two hard drives, and I never keep the 'My Documents' folder on the same drive as the Windows directory. Unfortunately, this time I wiped out the wrong drive (Actually I had moved everything to a temporary partition first. I just deleted the temporary partition without moving everything back th where it should've gone). So I pulled out my archive DVD's. My last backup was January 29. I lost at most a few pictures and mp3s, and I can restore those. But it's a pain in the arse.



Somehow this is all AT Ellen Norberg's fault.

Marvel Comics Jumps The Shark.

Marvel Comics has now jumped the shark. Captain America is now dead. All superman could say is 'Been There, Done That'. Now all Marvel needs to do is make Ted MkGinley a superhero....

Why I will shop at Office Depot

Office Depot customer service representative goes above and beyond the call of duty. True, the store could have handled it better (like honoring the advertised price, or not offering a half-assed excuse for not honoring it). But, in the end, the CSR saved the day. Generally, when the Corporate Office gets called, something terrible has gone wrong, and it's up to them to put it right.





Technorati Tags: Office Depot

Teach Your Children Well

And what a better way to do it than with The Flying Spaghetti Monster Coloring Book. Sure, you've got your kids the requisite eye-patches, the parrots, and the peg-legs, but what have you taught them about The Noodly Master and His Truth?



Ramen.

We've all been burned before

But here are various and sundry rock stars have actually caught fire on stage. They all survived. With the exceptions of the heretics and witch. And that f(&*^* ass-hot who turned me into a newt.

On to Pluto

NASA's New Horizons has swung by Jupiter on it's way to Pluto. No word on whether or not it'll swing by Uranus or not, but it might still be prudent to keep your pants up until the.



Technorati Tags: Space, Pluto

MC Hawking to go weightless

MC Hawking is to experience zero gravity this April. Here is a recent music video (Sorry YouTube doesn't have 'All My Shootings Be Drive-bys'):





Technorati Tags: MC Hawking

A Real Class Act

Craig Ferguson on Britney Spears:



He speaks of his own problems with alcoholism, his sobering up, and why he won't make fun of Britney Spears.  It's nice to see that there are still class acts on TV.

MacBook 1, Cat 0

See the cat vs. Macbook. Not surprisingly, the cat loses....





Technorati Tags: Cats

ANother good use for duct tape....

You can use it to tie up astronauts who flip it. Or you can simply promise them a 900 mile drive in a diaper when they land.





Technorati Tags: Space

The Britney Spears rehab count is now at

Three. As much as I (like nearly everybody else) likes to follow the celebrities and make fun of there hi-jinks, she really does need some help.

Happy Chinese New Year

Now begins the Year Of The Pig (or to be more precise, the Year Of The Boar). For Christmas this year, my brother-in-law did a wee bit of Chinese astrology and got us all presents based on the year we were born. I was born in the Year Of The Cow, and so I got a couple of ceramic cows (well one of them's a wind chime, but I don't want to push my luck w/ the neighbors).

On the frailties of life....

It wasn't until I was in the eighth grade that I really took an interest in the newspaper. Of course there were the headline, the top stories, and comics, etc. But there was one column I always looked forward to reading. L. M. Boyd's trivia column. Some of you may know him as Mike Mailway. Throughout the years, the service of the local newspapers left me disgusted (multiple billings, failed deliveries), but his column was still the only reason why I still read the paper each day (that and a little bit of Garfield, too). And then one day in December of 2000, he announced his retirement. I canceled my News Tribune subscription a few months later.



Human life can be so fleeting. People you see here today can be gone tomorrow in a flash. This Christmas Eve, I was overnighting at my Grandmother's house. When I went to bed that night, the thoughts were of joy and happiness. When I got up the next morning, the first headline I see was James Brown passing away. Then Gerald Ford went the same way, too. A couple of weeks later Saddam Hussein snuffed it. And then last week, Anna Nicole Smith passed on.



Why am I saying this? Because I just found about L. M. Boyd's passing (obit here). Forget Ann Landers, or Dear Abbey. He was my favorite. Now that he's gone, I have no other reason to read newspapers (there are a whole bunch of other ways to get the news, like google, for instance).

Anna Nicole Smith is dead

Anna Nicole Smith has died. She was only a few years older than I am. Make one want to ponder the frailties of life.....

Hey, Igwanarob

Enjoy your new pipe. Although I shouldn't say that, given my personal view on smoking. At one time or another, we've all been burned on the Internet. I have it happen to me a couple of times. The first time was when I decided to buy a model of the USS Voyager (from Star Trek Voyager), and someble took my credit card and decided to buy $600.00 dollars of viagra. A phone call to police, and another to the credit card comany to dispute the charge took care of that. Then there was time I decided I had to have Encarta 2002 (this was before I discovered Wikipedia - for better or for worse, at least it's not published by The Anti-Christ). Ordered it online from The Anti-Christ, and they shipped by DHL. Who promptly decided to leave it at my door-stop without bothering to take to the apartment manager's (who btw, will receive packages) office, like brown or fed-ex do. So, guess who's three figure software shipment was stolen? And then when I called to complain, I was simply told to pound sand. A few expletive filled phone calls to both microsoft and dhl got it straightened out, and I ended up getting what I wanted at Officemax, who btw really kick ass when it comes to getting what I need, and then taking it back when I realize I got the wrong part to begin with.





Technorati Tags: The Anti-Christ, UPS, DHL, Fedex, Igwanarob

If you though your job paid well

Rod Stewart is getting offered cool mil for a one-hour gig. And I thought the ¢50 raise I got was good....







Technorati Tags: Rod Stewart, Music

One of the last honest cops.....

A Wisconsin police chief wrote himself a $235 ticket for failing to stop for a school bus. I wish the Puyallup Police Department had that kind of integrity. But they don't. I don't even trust them to call 911 anymore. They'll probably just be playing office politics rather than take the call seriously.....

An open letter to my boss

Unless somebody in your family is getting married or buried, don't call me in on my day off. If you need me to work six-day weeks, that fine with me. Just put it on the farking schedule! I usually don't have any plans on my days off because they're days of rest. Not days that you can call me in at you leisure.

A Wicked and Adulterous Generation Seeketh after a sign

Well, not necessarily that, but a bunch of physicists (and other with more advanced degrees than dates) have developed a test to prove string theory. They have it wrong on two points:

1. It's not strings you're looking for. It's the Noodly Appendages.
2. As if you need to find proof. Look around you. There are signs of the Noodly Master's greatness everywhere. For Example, when He revealed himself to NASA.

Well, maybe if they wear the Chosen Attire (which is, of course, Full Pirate Regalia), maybe the Noodly Master will reveal himself to them.



Until then, Ramen.





Technorati Tags: The Flying Spaghetti Monster, Science Stuff

The country with the highest crime rate is

The Vatican City? What part does the pope live in, South-Central?

And you thought your driving instructions were crazy....

Check this one out. I have to use tinyURL on this one, as google likes to choke when you try to put ' in weblinks.

A Dramatic re-enactent

Of Tony Romo's present to Seattle in last week's game:




Technorati Tags: Football, Seahawks

Snow, snow, snow

It's been snowing pretty heavily tonight. Enough that the Puyallup Police Department has essentially closed off South Hill to all traffic (save foot traffic, which is really the only way to get around). It's a good thing I have tommorrow off. I don't think I'd be able to make in to work anyway.

Herman and Grandpa now have Lily to join them

Yvonne De Carlo, also known to most of the TV watching community as Lily Munster has passed away. She nows joins Fred Gwynne (Herman Munster), and Al Lewis (Grandpa Munster) in the Great Sit-Com In The Sky.



Ramen.

A note to Tony Romo

Thank you. For the kind present you gave us when you fumbled the field goal snap with about a minute to go. Too bad that this is the end of the Cowboys' playoff hope, as I wanted to see Terell Owens get many more well-deserved beatings.

Technorati Tags: Football, Seahawks

It does not matter......

If the Seahawks win or lose. It's whether or not TO get his well-deserved beating.

Go Hawks.

Technorati Tags: Football, Seahawks

I know it's a wee bit late, but....

The Seahawks are NFC Western Division Champs again! They had a really kick-ass first half to this season, but they've been choking of late. I can understand them getting beat by the Cardinals (after all, they don't wear helmets and pads, they wear mitres and choir dress, and you really can't beat up clergy). The Chargers game, on the other hand, should have been won, were it not for that one play in last thirty seconds. But you go to hand it to the defense for keeping us in the game, even when the offense wasn't able to put points on the board (the saying goes, "The offense sells the tickets, but it's the defense who wins games.")

At least the Seahawks will get one more week to choke. Although the M.O. for the Seahawks in the playoffs has been either to choke in the first round, or go all the way to the Super Bowl. And the choke.

But, anyday, football is still better than The New World Order (Mind-Control Division). All the times I try to watch Baseball, I end up falling asleep on the couch. When I wake up, all my aluminium foil is gone, I have thoughts that Belgium actually does exist, and AT&T Ellen Norberg (a known Mind-Control Agent) is always nearby.


Technorati Tags: Football, Seahawks, The New World Order (Mind-Control Divison)

Happy Holiday to all

I hope the great Christmas pirate Santa and The Flying Spaghetti Monster treated you all well last night (you do know that Santa is a Pirate, right?). In my extended family, we practice 'secret santa' (wherein you draw one name out of a hat, and that is the only person you need to worry about. A cost-effective way to celebrate Christmas). This year I drew my uncle David. I think I made him regret it. He emailed his list, and I got him everything on it (if I can afford to do it, I will usually stick to peoples' wish lists. That's what they tell my they want, and that's what they shall receive). So it's not what he got, it's how it was wrapped. I don't believe in the wimpy girly-man scotch tape. I use nothing less than three inch packing tape. And I covered every available seam and crease with it. There is a certain joy in giving (far greater than recieving), but there is also a lot of fun in watching your recipient victim try to unwrap your present.



My plunder this year:

1. A page a day puzzle calender.
2. 36 AA batteries.
3. 4 AA rechargable batteries (and a charger). From another party than the previous, and they didn't coordinate. C'est la vie, I guess.
   
   
4. An LED flashlight.
5. A can of SPAM.
6. A South Hill Mall gift certificate.
7. A Federal Reserve Gift Certificate (accepted anywhere and everywhere).
8. A Target Gift Card.
9. 2 visa gift cards.
10. The customary bag of socks (I actually do appreciate socks for Christmas).
11. A survival kit. Complete with survival blanket, whistle, flashlight, matches, and AFDB.
12. A couple of old, anitique glass treasures from my Grandmother. She had already wrapped them up, and they were distributed by lottery. I got a couple of glass dishes, one being from c. 1900 and is a collectors item, the other one I don't know where it cam from, but it is now my candy dish.

So the question to you, loyal blog reader is:



What kink of loot did you score this year? Or are you still waiting for the rest of your Pirate band to get together to go plundering?





Technorati Tags: Christmas, Holiday, The Flying Spaghetti Monster

The Godfather of Soul is with God now

James Brown has passed away. Heaven is now a better place.





Technorati Tags: James Brown, Celebrity Passings

Santa's being watched.

Norad is tracking Santa. Did you ever get the felling you were being watched?





Technorati Tags: Christmas, Holiday

The truth about Santa Claus

Some facts and myths relating to our favorite morbidly obese Christmas character:



Santa:

1. Lives out in the middle of nowhere.
2. Works only one night a year.
3. Has the munchies so bad that he has to eat milk and cookies at every stop he makes.

Conclusion:

Santa smokes pot.



Santa:

Has to visit a minimum of 23,148 homes a second.



Conclusion:

Santa drinks Jolt.



Santa:

Has delusions of toy making elves and flying reindeer.



Conclusion:

Santa drops acid.



Santa:

Is a white guy who wants your children to sit in his lap.



Conclusion:

Santa is really Micheal Jackson



Rudulph:

Has a very red nose.



Conclusion:

Rudolph is an alcoholic



(Side note: after last Christmas, the other reindeer staged an intervention, got Rudolph into AA, and he's been clean and sober ever since. However, this means no more red nose, and therefore until the sleigh get equipped with GPS, Santa will only be flying on VFR).



Myth:

Santa has elves to make his toys, yet you only seem to get underwear for Christmas.



Fact:

The real elves are in the Lord Of The Rings. Those aren't elves. They're the Underpants Gnomes. Which also explains why you get so much underwear for Christmas.







Technorati Tags: Santa, Christmas, Holiday, The Underpants Gnomes

Interesting things to do with a high-speed camera.

Farewell, ORDB

Slashdot is reporting that the Open Relay Database is shutting down (More here). Basically, the volunteers who ran it have to focus on other things-it is important to remember that these people also have jobs, families, and lives to attend to, and they should be saluted for the service they provided to the internet.



I still use rbls to filter my mail. I use Sorbs, the AHBL, and the meaning of zen.





Technorati Tags: Spam

Florida 1, AOHell 0

The Florida state AG has settled with AOHell (here) over problems with customers not being able to cancel their accounts. A copy of the settlement is available here (yes it is a pdf file).



I was with AOHell for all of one month. When I bought my Gateway, it came with a free year of service from them, but I decided to go with a real isp. Fortunately, I never had problems with them wrongfully billing me or reactivating my account. I have been called upon to service several of my friends' (and employers') computers, and I'm always amazed about how much faster they are after I uninstall the AOL software. To call it bloatware is an understatement. There was one box in particular, which ran some unsupported OS provided by the Anti-Christ, that had 4 different versions install at the same time. Talk about the Three Stooges Syndrome. I was amazed it could even boot to a desktop.





Technorati Tags: AOHell, The Anti-Christ

Just an amateur

Hecan neither play piano nor drums. And yet he can play some pretty catchy music.



This is what you can do with some good video editing.

Technorati Tags: Music

The Newest Ice cream flavor:

A load of Bullshit. Seriously, scientists have figured out a way to extract vanilla from cow dung. I'll stick with chocolate, thank you.

Note to the police

If you want to save on paper costs, buy your toilet paper in bulk. Like, say, a 20 year supply at a time. It could also come in handy if you ever have to book the Great Cornholio.





Technorati Tags: Toilet Paper, The Great Cornholio

They're Back!

Queen is putting a new album out. It should be out in May. Paul Rodgers is taking over vocal duties. Although I would prefer Brian Howe to Paul Rodgers (he definitely did a better job in Bad Company), it's still time to rejoice. It's been fifteen years since Freddie Mercury was taken from us, and I'm still discovering his music.





Technorati Tags: Music, Queen, Bad Company

Now availlable at Wally World

Wally World now has available in the Toy department: cocaine. They now carry everything.





Technorati Tags: Wally World

For those of you who can't watch Mythbusters

Wired has a few of 'em covered. But still nothing beats Adam getting hurt.

Happy Holiday

For those of us of the Pastafarian Faith, tomorrow begins Holiday, which will last all of December and January. Being a devout Pastafarian (complete with flimsy moral standards), I would like to wish you all a happy holiday. While I'm at it, Happy Hanukkah, happy Kwanzaa, and may your Godless, Pagan Winter Holiday be without suffering.



Technorati Tags: The Flying Spaghetti Monster, Christmas

It's a Mad World.

So depressing it's good.





Technorati Tags: Domo Darko, Mad World

Greg quits....

Greg Page (the man in the yellow shirt) is quitting The Wiggles. Last year, The Wiggles made more money than Nicole Kidman and AC\DC put together. Maybe Brian Johnson should audition to replace him. And you couldn't go too wrong with Angus Young in the group, either. My roommate many years (who was also my younger brother) baby-sat our two nephews and niece, and usually had The Wiggles on in the living room. One particular day, I was in my room, and I had my TV on in the background. Out in the living room, they started singing a song involving Captain Feathersword, and in my room I had On The Record on. Greta Van Susteren is really Captain Feathersword.


Technorati Tags: Captain Feathersword, The Wiggles, Greta Van Susteren

Peanuts and Outkast go together

The Peanuts do Hey Ya! I can just hear Charles M. Schulz spinning in his grave.





Technorati Tags: Peanuts, Cartoons, Outkast

Sorry Cheeseheads.....

It looks like Blitz had some cheesehead for a Monday Night snack. It was the 'Hawks first snow game. But that is irrelevant. They won the game.



Side note to my boss: The Raiders still suck.





Technorati Tags: Football

Now this is a Cristmas Pageant I want to see

The Flying Spaghetti Monster Holiday Pageant. Anything that teaches Flimsy Moral Standards, every Friday is a holiday, and Heaven has both a Stripper Factory and a Beer Volcano has to be good. Ramen.



BTW, fsm Holiday cards are now available, as well.





Technorati Tags: The Flying Spaghetti Monster, Christmas

For those of us waiting till the last minute

Or for those of use facing yet another Thanksgiving crisis:



Last-Minute Turkey Day Salvation

Happy Turkey Day

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. I'm off to Grandmas, where I will be having dinner with my parents and my Grandmother.

It's time for the Apple Cup

The U Dub is visiting Moo U for the Apple Cup. I am a fair and balanced person. I mock both schools equally:

• There was a terrible fire at the UW library. They lost all their books. Even the ones that hadn't been colored yet.
• There has been talking of putting artificial turf in Martin Stadium. If not for one key issue: Where would they let the WSU cheerleaders graze.
• The most commonly heard phrase among UW alumni: "You want fries with that?"
• The most effective way of keeping a Cougar out of your yard: simply erect a goal post.

Technorati Tags: Football, Moo U, U Dub

Something to make note of when shopping this holiday season.

Here's something to take note of when you're shopping for The Godless, Pagan Winter Holiday. Christmas never was a Christian Holy day It was celebrated long before Christianity came along, and it has become so commercialized that it is now more a secular holiday than a religious one. But that issue is for another blog posting, another day, and possibly another blog.



Anyway, Wally World in discontinuing layaway. I never used layaway when I did Christmas shopping. I have never been one of much means, and I will not go into debt for someone's Christmas present. If I had to use layaway to get someone's Christmas present, then I didn't get them that. This may sound a wee bit harsh, but materialism isn't where it's at.



My strategy for quick and painless Christmas shopping is:

1. Identify who you're shopping for. My family has practice Secret Santa (wherein you put all the family members' names into a hat, and draw one name, and that's the person you shop for) for almost twenty years. Shopping for that one person (although I do also get something special for my parents and my grandmother as well) does keep costs and stress down.
2. Set a budget. And stick to it. I have my own bills to pay, too. Just because the holiday come around doesn't mean that my/your creditors are going to give a month reprieve.
3. Scout ahead. Before you actually go shopping, go around, look inside, and take a mental note of who has what. This can be accomplished in the off-peak hours, and you can avoid the crowds and find the lowest price.
4. Have a Christmas Mule handy. I don't have a car, so all my holiday shopping is done on foot. My roommate doesn't have a car either so when one does his shopping, the other one comes along with an empty backpack to help carry stuff home.
5. Set a time limit. If you can't find what they want, then get them a gift card (interesting article on that here). I always say that if they can't find it at Target, then they don't deserve it anyway.
   
   

Technorati Tags: Christmas, Wally World, Christmas Shopping Tips

The best, high quality CD player around is...

Your PS One? Apparently so. And It can play Syphon Filter (only the best video game ever), to boot. Too bad I got rid of mine when my roommate got a PS2.

Wally World pulls a godwin

Wal-Mart has been caught selling T-Shirts when the SS Death's Head Logo on it. They have already apologized and pulled the shirts, but perhaps one should drop them a note that when you say by the book, it doesn't necessarily mean Mein Kampf. Better yet, just shop at Target.

An Emergency guide we all can use.

The Bill Parcells guide to handling T. O. emergencies. Personally I think just shit-canning TO would do a lot to imrove the Cowboys performance. He's not a team player (and football is a team sport), he skipped out of most of training camp (with IMHO a fake injury), sleeps through meetings (by his own admission), cops attitudes with coaches (by his own admission), and when he takes to the field, drops The Key Pass that can win the game. On the other hand, the Cowboys upcoming game with the Cardinals will be a doozy. Especially if the Cardinals wear their mitres instead of their helmets.

Technorati tags: Football

Bill Gates Embraces the Penguin (well a green lizzard more exactly)

The Anti-Christ and Novell, publisher of SuSE Linux (yes, I know that's the old spelling, but I like it better), have announced a partnership. Due to hardware issues, I usually am an exclusive windows user, but on occasions when I can dabble in Linux, I use SuSE. I hope this means good things for all. A lot of of the freeware and oss I use now is basically windows ports from Linux. Who needs Photoshop when you've got the GIMP?

Oh, and btw, I just discovered that Firefox 2.0 has a speelchequer.